


"Anyway"

by widmowilczycy (rebelsfromstars)



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Gen, Mutual Pining, Shirbert, Slow Burn, Unresolved Romantic Tension, but they're mostly friends to future lovers anyway so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-12-31 17:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21149309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelsfromstars/pseuds/widmowilczycy
Summary: Anne wonders about the nature of her feelings towards Gilbert, though she will deny she has any feelings for him at all, then finds the nearest excuse to go to his house, and then a lot of unexpected things happen.





	"Anyway"

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all of you dearies! 
> 
> I have no excuse for this fic, as just that episode 5 left me smiling so much my cheeks hurt and I couldn't stand this cuteness any longer! And so, I created this little thing. 
> 
> This is my first time writing for this fandom. I tried to fit the story into the realms of the 19th century, as well as the vocabulary, and hope there aren't too many mistakes here. Comments are very appreciated <3 Enjoy!

_Anyway,_

_Anyway._

Anne was seriously startled. Out in the middle of the day, while cake-baking with Marilla, those two simple - if not one just repeated - words echoed in her head. And it was so worthless, and foolish, why would she remember a simple conversation, a pointless one to add, so out of the blue?

Why would she remember the conversation with _Gilbert Blythe_ nevertheless?

She shook her head as if to emphasize how she was shaking off her mind from any thoughts that may pertain to Gilbert.

Gilbert. What a funny name.

_No_. She was not about to do that, and she shouldn’t. It was not what she desired, and nothing to concern her mind with, when she had so much more significant issues that she should address. Her studying, her house errands, the ever changing, beautiful, outside nature, with its hills and forests and flowers and trees and rocks and clear waters calling out to her imagination, making its way to her mind and words that run through her fingers onto the paper in magnificent combination.

That implied she had better things to do than worrying her mind with Gilbert Blythe.

“Anne, please pay attention, or the cake will never grow properly. You put way too many soda to that.” Anne looked at the mass before her, and groaned. How could she become so distracted that she ended up with this horrible, cake-mass feigning pulp?

“I’m so sorry Marilla,” she said, earnestly, truly meaning it. She felt stupid for letting something like that happen. To her surprise Marilla smiled at her, from her own mass.

“What happened Anne? Why you’re so absent-minded?” Anne almost jumped being asked that question.

“I am _not _absent-minded. If anything, I’m very present-minded, and focused on cake-making,” Marilla looked at Anne sceptically. Usually, Anne was talking about everything that was on her mind, at least to her.

“What you were thinking about?” Anne felt her heart sinking deep down her body. How could she play it cool if she never in her whole life learned how to be cool? All she knew were impulse outbursts and colorful emotions.

But she was downgrading and denying this one, even when she instinctively knew how she felt about Gilbert Blythe. It was just too hard to admit.

“Nothing in particular, Marilla,” she said, trying to smile reassuringly at her guardian. The woman wasn't concealed or deceived that easily though with how sharp of a mind she possessed.

“Anne, I worry about you. It’s unusual for you to have nothing on you mind.” she said. Anne sighed.

“I do not have nothing on my mind, I just don’t have anything specific.” she rolled the mass in her hands, rather aggressively (especially if you would ask Marilla). “Can we please do not talk about it?” she pursued. Marilla looked at her, rather funnily, but didn’t dare to comment any further. She suspected what was going on. It was rather to not speak up of loudly and clearly, for Anne could be easily scared away by it, which would not be beneficial to her in a long run.

_For now_, Marilla thought, in a very Anne-like matter,_ it will be better to remain silent for the late blossoms to bloom in spring. _

_***_

Anne was pacing before the front door, from one corner to another. Her mind and what followed with thousands thoughts per second were racing fast, not making her life any easier.

_An overly active mind causes women to be barren._

_Here we go! And one and two and three and four, five, six, seven. Other way!  
_

_You're on the board! Charlie "noticed you"!_

_But I’m bursting with curiosity!_

_Perhaps we should write an obituary for Mary in the Avonlea Gazette.  
_

_Carrots! _

_You know Gilbert has a crush on you, right?_

_Tragical romance and all?_

_Remains to be seen. _

_Isn’t it amazing how everyday can be an adventure!_

_It’s not what the world holds for you, it is what you bring to it._

_Anyway,_

_Anyway._

Oh, it was so desperately frustrating to have this race in her mind, to think and to think, and if she admitted certain things to herself, she would know they all revolved around Gilbert.

But no, how they could not be!

Not long ago Ruby couldn’t stop talking about him, and now what Anne was doing? Was she betraying her friendship with Ruby? Was she being ridiculous? Even if she started to feel something - which she did not, because it would be an absurd! - Gilbert Blythe of all boys would never reciprocate her feelings with just as matching fierceness. It was simply impossible for someone to love her that way, especially someone who hated her from the very beginning.

Of course it quickly changed, and they were good friends now, but that was all to it - they were friends, maybe kindred spirits in some way - not like she was with Diana, not like she was with Cole, but in a different, indescribable way, but that was it! Nothing more, and nothing more it could be.

However would it hurt if she asked him some questions in a purely scientific way?

Oh to all the mystic goddesses of far green land of her home Scotland she would die from embarrassment! She already almost did!

Of course, this time they would be alone, and they really were close friends, it wasn’t like she was afraid to ask him because it was him. Maybe it did hold certain stages of inappropriate and shamefulness, but truly, deeply, she knew her curiosity will most probably win over her anxiety, as it often did.

Before she could change her mind she grabbed her hat, opened the door, and went out.

She was aware of strange, startled looks Jerry and Matthew send her way, seeing her fast, stirring pace, but she smiled fakely at them, and lied “I’m going to see Diana, it’s an emergency!” Nobody argued against her.

She precisely set a faster pace for herself in a case of her common sense to start catching up with her passionate curiosity and desire of knowledge, which also had absolutely nothing to do with her feelings, heart fondness or soul yearnings.

Anne didn’t even realize how quickly she approached Blythe’s farm. While she usually noticed everything about her surroundings in an enlightened and magical way, now she didn’t pay a smallest of attention to it.

Suddenly a crippling fear overwhelmed her - she was so out of her mind to think that it was even slightly a decent idea! What if Rachel saw her? They would never break free from her talking and soon the whole Avonlea would knew about imaginary romance that wasn’t even there.

On the other hand, why should she care about people’s opinion? She learned during those three years that it can be damaging and common people voice is not always the right one.

Abandoning those reflects, she knocked on Gilbert’s door, already smiling widely to spread positivity and_ only_ that, to contage him with it, so he wouldn’t even dare to think weirdly of her.

She waited a longer moment, so she knocked again. Maybe he wasn’t home. Maybe it was a sign from the universe to quit her ridiculous quest of knowledge and go back home, before Marilla could start being angry about her leaving without telling her directly where she was going.

Finally, she heard the cracking of the door, and saw Gilbert’s concerned face there, but before she could have done a proper assessment of him, she started talking:

“To make my intentions clear, I am not here for personal reasons, I would however be pleased if you helped me educate myself--” she cut herself off, when she took in the picture painting before her, like if it was a perfect capture of domesticity at its finest.

He was looking at her with true, honest despair in his eyes, holding little, and loudly crying Delphine in his arms, his shirt bedraggled with all kinds of baby issues, and hair messed up, locks thrown in various directions like anemometer on the building’s roof on a very windy night.

“Will you help me, please?” he asked, probably not even registering what Anne had just tried to tell him, and she wouldn’t be surprised.

She stared at him for a second, startled, not expecting a situation like that, but jumping in with her expertise immediately, her heart wanting only to help him and little Delphine.

“Of course,” she said already stepping in, and like in a dance,instinctively feeling where the other one was about to move, Gilbert was already out of her way, making her place to take off her hat.

“What happened?” she asked, hanging her hat and going straightly to Gilbert, taking Delphine from him. As hurried as it was, they both were delicate, as to not hurt the little one in any way, their hands brushing for an agonizingly long moment. For a mere second Anne looked up at him to find that his eyes were already gazing into hers. It took her breath away a little, but she chose to ignore it, and turned away her glance. For the sake of Delphine of course.

“I--I don’t know really. She was just alright a moment ago. And I checked everything, she’s not hungry, she’s clean, I don’t know what else could it be.”

“Maybe she got frightened by something,” said Anne, swaying Delphine in her arms to calm her down.

“I don’t know what could cause that.” Gilbert said, rather desperately, and even with hint of sadness in his voice.“Bash needed to go to town with exigent errands, and of course I stayed with her, and I thought I know what to do, I did before many times.” he continued. Anne smiled at him in an attempt to reassure him.

“Sometimes, it’s hard to tell rigidly what’s causing baby’s distress. Can you think of anything that might got her scared?” she asked.

Gilbert sighed, taking his seat by the table.

“I’m not sure.” he gazed wistfully into emptiness of the wall, while trying to remember everything that recently happened. “I mean, I did drop some books when I was walking down the stairs, but she started crying much later.”

Anne nodded.

“It still could be that. Don’t worry we need to calm her down and make her relax.” she assured him, looking back from him to Delphine, though catching his questioning look, as if he was still wrapping his head around the issue.

Remembering, the most common ways that was efficient on babies in her life before, without putting much thought to it, she started singing as delicately as she could, while still swaying her in her arms.

_Deep far forest in the mountain land _

_Rain me sunlight through your treetop lines_

_Unveil the secrets that lay beneath _

_Deep far forest in the holy green _

_The path to you leads through dark dark times_

_But I know how to turn everything back to light _

_For you my love are the purest joy _

_This world is cold but I am here for you, love_

Anne smiled, and started humming when the girl stopped crying. She was now looking at her bewildered.

“Hey little girl, see? It’s alright, we all love you here and will never leave you.” said Gilbert, strangely very close to her. Anne didn’t realize when he came by closer, standing behind her, and looking beneath her arm at Delphine. She propped her up, a little higher for Gilbert to reach her, instinctively.

And instinctively, he did reach for her, his thumb on her cheek. Anne was startled for a moment by the tenderness of the gesture. She looked up at Gilbert to see pure love in his eyes, pure love for this little girl that wasn’t his child, but might as well be. A daughter, a niece, little sister. She might be all that to him. Point was, he cared deeply about her, and really loved her and Bash. They were truly his family.

Anne couldn’t really stop herself from smiling at him. It was a delight to watch a warmth and love like that reveal before her eyes.

“Hey see Delph, everyone here loves you so much,” she said to her. The little girl looked from Gilbert back at her, and she actually smiled at her. Anne could feel her heart growing a little bigger in response, with love to this baby. Delphine kept her right hand on Anne’s collarbone, while she turned her head back to Gilbert, reaching with her other hand to him. Gilbert leaned down closer to Delphine, and though Anne barely could see that, he was indeed, making faces at her, and gooing lovingly, until the girl started giggling.

“I think she’s alright now,” said Anne after a moment. “Danger passed, she saw familiar, loving faces. She’ll be okay.” Gilbert nodded at her, and Anne’s started beating faster when he placed his hand on her back. “Can I hold her for a moment?” he asked her.

For a very long few seconds Anne was only able to look into Gilbert’s eyes, his bright, true, honest eyes, filled with emotion and care, Anne was sure of, just a few years earlier, she would never experience in her life.

She nodded eagerly, maybe a little too eagerly.

“Yes, of course,”she answered and placed Delphine in Gilbert’s already awaiting (also being very close to her) arms.

She watched him swaying and sweet-talking to the girl, even humming her song to her, before he put her down to the crib. There was a true tender love in all of his movements and in his voice, and Anne secretly admired it. He slowly turned from crib, still with that fond smile on his face and walked up, closer to her, to take the same seat he did before by the table. As if to not stand out, Anne followed him, sitting in the chair next to him.

“Thank you Anne. You performed true magic here with your voice.” Anne smiled. She liked the compliment, but she was taught by Marilla by now that it was not suitable to brag too much about one’s abilities.

“It’s nothing Gilbert. I’m … glad I could help.” she said, not untrue, but definitely in a more proper way than she would a year or two ago. Gilbert smiled at her, and across the table that smile looked brilliantly like a star taken from the night sky and making its way to Gilbert’s lips to form this beautiful, tender ....

She realized what she just started doing, and stopped herself before she went too deep. In the result her smile might have turned out a little truthless, but that was the price she had to pay for her wild and unstoppable imagination.

When she looked back at him again however, she worried that Gilbert could be hurt by it or somehow has seen through her, because of how sorrowful he looked like.

“You know I thought I was good at it. And I thought Delphine is cared for well, but as it turns out I know near to nothing about babies.” he confessed, his voice filled with regret, shame and self-deprecation. Anne didn’t even got to fully feel the relief, before she got to feel compassion towards him. “Maybe Mrs Lynde is right. Maybe we are not competent enough to take care of a baby.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, how could you know?” she tried to comfort him, and not thinking about it, reached out to hold his hand that was lying frelly on the table. He seemed to be surprised by it at first, but before she could change her mind, gently she squeezed it. He was her friend, and he needed her support. It wasn’t any different from the support that she would have shown to Diana.

Besides, it was a strange feeling, but it was actually really upsetting to see Gilbert being so hating towards himself. He really did not have any reason to be.

Lightly, he squeezed her hand back, and it pumped new hope into Anne’s heart to see him not giving up entirely.

“And Rachel do not has a right to tell you things like that. You think, I’m good at that because I’m a woman?” Gilbert was looking at her with such an intensity that it made perfect sense and impeccable match to the passion that started raising in her voice. “I learned all of that. None of that came naturally to me. Not with my temper anyway.” she said, and seeing Gilbert chuckling at the last one, made her smile too.

He was looking down, maybe at their joined hands on the table (which came, bafflingly, the most organically to them, like it was just right, like it was meant to be), before he cleared his throat and spoke up.

“Would you like something to drink?” he asked. Anne, startled, looked at him almost in panic, rapidly taking her hand away.

“No, no. Thank you. But no. I probably should be home by now.” she said, standing up, suddenly very afraid that she had been exposed of her fond thoughts of him.

Gilbert looked at her funnily, making a grimace she knew well, because he was constantly questioning a lot of things, and that was the look he had on his face right there.

“Didn’t you came here for something?” he said, also standing up, his arms crossed on his chest.

“I--I did. Yes, indeed.”

“So, what you were looking for? In my company?” he asked. Anne took a deep breath. Alright. No turning back now.

“I … Remember yesterday, when we … talked?” Gilbert raised his eyebrows.

“You mean, when the girls delegated you to ask me about … medical stuff?” he stopped before framing those words as for a better and more delicate understatement. Anne grinned nervously.

“Yes, yes, exactly.” she said a little too loudly and vigorously. “ I mean, I was just wondering. If it’s not a ... touch, what is it that gets you pregnant? I just want to know for purely scientific needs.” she didn’t dare to take a look not yet, but actually getting the words out of herself and hearing herself saying them, made her think. “Oh, all the spirits of forests, is it from kisses?” she asked, passionately, surrounded in her own world and way of thinking, not taking notice of Gilbert at all. “Of course it is, it has to be! That is why it is always so glorified in poems!” in her excitement, she only then looked at Gilbert, who frankly looked like he was a little bit amused, but he did not show it.

“It’s not that, I can assure you.” he said. Anne felt baffled and confused by this whole thing. If it was not this, than what else could it be? Gilbert looked at her, a little weirdly, but Anne couldn’t really place a finger on what exactly that look was like, and it was not often that she couldn’t describe a look on someone’s face. Gilbert was, in a way, a fascinating person. In a way.

She hoped she wasn’t vibrantly and visibly burning reddish fire all over her from embarrassment.

“Anne, I actually don’t think I should be the one to give you this talk. You should ask Marilla. Or Matthew.”

“Well, I would, but anytime I bring up love with those two, they’re shutting down. I don’t think they experienced lot of romantic ecstasies.” she explained. Gilbert nodded. It did make sense.

“Okay, you see, you need for that … certain things … Ahh, you know what, it will be better if I’ll just borrow you this book, I just need to find it.” he said, and Anne never thought she would see Gilbert fleeing the room so quickly.

For two mourtiful minutes, she stood at the centre of the room, thinking through every little thing she did or said. Why did she care so much, anyway? Gilbert was just a boy, and he was her friend. Nothing more. How could she ever let any other thought contaminate her brain? She was a bright young woman and boys that would match her adventurous and unusual life-style simply did not exist, not in Avonlea, and even if Gilbert turned out to be one, he would never look at her like that, who (beside Cole as she recalled) could ever came up with such a ridiculous idea?

“Here. For you.” she heard Gilbert’s voice, being suddenly very close to her. How did she not hear him walking in?

“Oh thank you,” she said, smiling gratefully at him. It was very kind of him to lend her this book that he surely needed to study from.

“I’ll give it back to you as soon as I can. I know you’re studying hard.” she said. Gilbert smiled back, and this smile of him, it was with a hint of something different, something teasing, but in the good way, almost something dangerous, but really mostly just kind and warm.

However, Anne did not expect of him to reach out and gently take her braid in his hand. He traced the plots, delicately, so differently from the first time that he had touched it, three years ago, when he made fun of her and in response she smacked him with her board. This memory was almost funny now. How far they’ve come, to become such good friends?

Anne took in a deep breath and hold it in, from the closeness off him, and warmth that he radiated.

“Anyway,” _I really should go,_ but she didn’t finish her sentence, looking chastely and bravely into his eyes, his face being still inches apart from her, but closer than it ever have been.

“Anyway.” repeated Gilbert, as Anne could really see things on his face that she would never notice if she wasn’t so close to him. There was wonder, and warmth and kindness, and this look that matched with look he gave Delphine before of gentleness, and care and--

For once in her life, Anne shut down her wildly running imagination and the welter of thoughts and feelings around imaginary scenarios. She just let herself to be in the moment and flow with it, to simply_ be _that moment.

And the moment was of a kind that Gilbert was now even closer, and she didn’t know who was shortening the distance between them more, him or she, but the fact was that they were closer now, and the depth of emotions on his face, surely had to be just as fierce and passionate as hers and she was sure that her heart was about to jump out of her chest, and the only thing she wanted was to see what will happen if she moved even closer, to him, to his face, to his lips, and so she did moved a little bit closer, almost touching his nose with hers, and then --

The doors slammed loudly and they heard low, quite joyful voice: “Sorry I’m late, I hope Delphine was … Wow.”

Bash stepped into the kitchen and taken aback, looked at the pair that quickly jumped as far from each other as they could.

Anne was now sure of how brightly red her cheeks must have been burning. She didn’t dare to look at either Bash or Gilbert, but she caught in the corner of her eye how Gilbert was looking away from both of them too, nervously scratching the back of his neck.

“Yeah, Bash no problem. Anne helped me with her.”

“I can see that,”

Oh, the merciful goddesses and christian god above might have her in her prayers and save her from this! How could one skinny, little person be filled with so much shame and embarrassment?

“I really should go now,” she managed to say, and quickly slipped by Bash to get her hat, holding on tightly to the book in her hands.

“I see you in school, Anne!” she heard Gilbert behind her. She only turned half-way to shot him a quick look and a smile.

“Sure! Thank you for the book!”

“Thank you for all the help.” she smiled once more nervously, but she couldn’t not notice how brightly he was smiling back at her.

“Goodbye Bash. Goodbye Gilbert.” she turned and closed the doors before she could properly hear their goodbyes.

Anne walked quickly, and her every step was boiling with emotion. What was all of that? What would happen if Bash didn’t barge in? Did she really start to have feelings for Gilbert?

Was he really able to reciprocate them?

But somehow she became very sure that he could. The hopefulness and vulnerability on his face and in his smile when he was saying her goodbye, could not be mistaken for anything different, but for care and pure affection.

Anne tried to breathe. In thousands lifetimes she would not expect anything like that to happen to her.

But here she was, hurrying home, her heart filled with bliss and lightness that she knew before of only from reading in the books, that she was sure it was something that did not existed or if it did it could never occur to her.

And it was love.

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm not sure if Anne would really be able to realize her feelings that fully, I'm still trying to figure out how her character works here in details, but I hope I got it right and that this fic was enjoayble. Thank you for reading <3
> 
> If you want to, you can find me on Tumblr [right here](https://widmowilczycy.tumblr.com/) .


End file.
